Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What do you call a united cow?
United Steaks.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
Official Dj Penaldo playlist. 1. I'm a fraud 2. I need you (ft. Tap-ins) 3. I Want to Leave Mid United 4. Back where I belong (ft. Europa league) 5. TY Eder 6. Nobody wants me ( Rejectnaldo Remix) 7. Fuck that kid ( ft. Lil Broke phone) 8. Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn-yards
The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971 and the Libertarian Party has lost every presidential election since 1972, and according to the Libertarian Party the Libertarian Party is the only political party in the United States that is the party of principle, If the Libertarian Party is the party of principle then why hasn't the Libertarian Party won a presidential election since 1972? Because it is politically motivated 👏 🙌 👍👍👌👌 🤔 💭 💡 🫢 😲 😭 😠 😡 🤬
How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:
1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝
These came down deep from my heart don’t let me down again, please.
Why does g-unit and c-unit stands for ?gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the united states James Earl Carter? read the label on the jar of skippy peanut butter
“Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!” “What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!” “They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!”
Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .
and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that." The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW? Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles ' N Bits!!
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
