One jokes
Do you know why orphans don't have parents?
Because no one raised you.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
What's the one school event that orphans don't go to?
Parents' evening.
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
One’s a heated yam, and the other’s a YEATED HAM!
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?
One didn't go in the closet.
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
Yo mama so ugly, she made One Direction go the other direction.
Yo mama so ugly, she made One Direction go the other direction.
Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.
One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Why do orphans look at a house for so long?
'Cause they never had one.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
How is the world like a box of crayons?
Nobody likes the white ones.
And a side note, it's multi colored.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."