Decision jokes

On September 11, Gemini ordered three pepperoni pizzas.

One came alone, one was late, and the third went the wrong way.

Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?

Because it was made by the same company that made their life decisions.

Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.

5+2 = 7

But 4+3 also = 7

So take your own path.

There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.

There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?

Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?

You: Uhhhhhhh

Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.

You: Thank God.

Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...

You: *faints*

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...

But then I changed my mind.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.

This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.

Marry or don't marry, you will regret both!

If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"

My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.