Decision jokes
Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?
It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.
Guys, should I do it? You know what I mean.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat, his batting.
2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?
Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
Guys, comment below if I should do a name reveal!
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
To make up her mind.
It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.
Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.
It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
Who were the people that survived 9/11?
The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.