One jokes
What do you call a pregnant slave? Buy one get one free.
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
No one.
Why are priests called father?
I don’t know why.
Because calling them daddy is too suspicious.
One day I went skating and skated for so long that my feet were incredibly sore.
It was like my skates were moving all by themselves, but I decided to just roll with the situation.
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
What’s the difference between a boomerang and an orphan's parents?
One of the two actually came back.😂
One day a son and his grandad were smoking.
Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."
Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because no one came back with any.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.
I have a heart, alright. I just happen to see a mere hollow shell of one coming from you.
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
One reason I like to tell riddles is because they help with critical thinking skills.
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...
Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.
Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.
And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.
There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...
There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.
So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"