One jokes

Why can't an orphan role-play Star Wars?

Because they have no one to play Darth Vader.

A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

We need to stop with all the discrimination here! I don’t discriminate! I love all races, even the bad ones, I’m a fan of all genders, even the fake ones, and am a fan of all nationalities, even the alien kinds.

I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"

What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?

When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.

How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!

What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!

We were discussing cows in a lesson. I asked my teacher why she was one.

Brother: Your nuts!

Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!

"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.

Why is 1 equal to 22?

4 is too busy and one has the 21s to 4!

No one:

Literally no one:

Abraham Lincoln: *dies*

John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*

Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"

The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."

One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"

Two sticks of butter walk into a butter bar. One says to the other, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" He replies, "Sure, dis my butter from another utter."

Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"

Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.

One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.

I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.

My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"

What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"

What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Harry Potter?

Only one came out of the chamber.