“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft
Whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting ‘Remind me later’ on his Windows Updates.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain…
Me: So… You’re new? Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know… Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job… Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends! Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos) Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
The reason why the “eating a tide pod” trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
so if the reason people used to hang women because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung would they be called wizards?
yo mama so ugly she the reason why slender man has no eyes
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”
"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”
“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”
then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won’t ever see my dog again! Italian: I won’t ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?
A 10y.o. : I don’t want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn’t think I’m happy 24/7. A 10y.o. week later: Damn… my life is shitty…
<2y. later> 12y.o. : What is de-pre-ssion? googles it
Now 14y.o. : Oh…
I gave an orphan an iPhone X for a reason
It doesn’t have a home button
The reason steven sounds like a computer cuz he ate his usb
My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way it really ruined her birthday.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously it’s called dark humor for a reason
The reason Stephen hawking died is because he drove to far from the wall the cord unpluged
Yo mama is so ugly she is the reason slenderman has no eyes
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
The real reason Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair