First jokes
Q: Why do men say "ladies first?"
A: So they can look at their a**.
What's the second hardest thing in the morning?
The first hardest thing. 🍆
What came first: the chicken or the egg?
Doesn't matter, in the future, they'll come together.
Why did the first boob say to the 2nd boob: "Between us, I have to take a tit."
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!
The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.
Yo mama is so old that she was born on the first day the universe existed.
See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?
Put a flower on their gravestone.
Man 1: You look like Scott Cawthon.
Man 2: I'm gonna put your dick in a Coffin!
Man 3: Me first!
First Man: My dog's got no nose.
Second Man: How does he smell?
First Man: Awful.
What do you call a burning orphan in a wheelchair? Hot Wheels.
What hit the ground first, the orphan or the apple? The apple. The orphan never hit the ground.
Why is my pee green? Because, "NEIN, ITCH BIEN FIRST REICH!"
I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.
I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
What is an orphan's first step to the orphanage?
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
First (DYM 68).
I first saw her in the Walmart picking out your drawers.