Occupation jokes
Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry, mine too!
Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.
Why do cannibals not like to eat clowns?
Cause they taste funny!
What do pimps and farmers have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.
What do you call a retard in the military?
Special forces.
What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?
An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to fish?
MC Bassline.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
What did the cow say to the prostitute?
Moo.
What kind of bus is yellow? A school bus driver.
What do you call a school bus driver that keeps going to sleep? A monster.
What do you call a three humped camel?
A prostitute from New York.
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career.
In the trailer, Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.
Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead, shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.
Isn't It Purrfect!
What does a man and a gay prostitute have in common with a physically handicapped bisexual man? All three of them are very good at sucking your dick.
One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!