Occupation jokes
Why did the rapper become a fisherman?
Because he wanted to reel in the BEST HOOKS.
What is a gay man's favorite job?
A blowjob.
I did a ton of work, a skele-ton.
Why did the rapper become a construction worker?
Because they were always BUILDING UP their RHYMES!
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
There was a cleaning lady with a vacuum cleaner. She sucked!
Bob the builder.
Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?
Because he was a family doctor!
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
Why did Dad Man quit acting?
I don’t know either.
What did the bulldozer say to the house?
"I wanna bulldoze houses!"
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
What knight is never wrong?
Sir Tain.
What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.