Occupation jokes
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?
Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.
What's the best name for a prostitute?
SI-MOAN.
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.
Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
What do you call an Eskimo stripper?
A frosty-tute.
What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
What do the initials UAW stand for?
United Awesome Whores.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.
What do strippers and butter have in common?
Both spread for bread.
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!