Occupation jokes
Why do rappers make great fishermen?
They always have the best HOOKS.
Why did the rapper become a beekeeper?
Because he wanted to make some HONEY FLOWS.
Why did the rapper become an astronaut?
To drop some BARS in SPACE!
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".
What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?
A train driver's egg sandwich.
Why are the people that get your order at restaurants called waiters? They don't wait for the food; we wait for the food. They should be called "note takers." They take notes for food.
What do dentists play at their practice?
Dental records.
Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was outstanding in his field!
I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.
It’s a job I can see myself doing.
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.
I remarked, "You lazy!"
What do you call a school bus driver that cannot walk? A silly school bus driver!
I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a politician in the jungle yesterday?
I hear it hurt like hell.