Occupation jokes
Why don't rappers ever become chefs?
Because they can't stop droppin' the beet!
Why did the rapper become a beekeeper?
Because he wanted to make some HONEY FLOWS.
Why did the rapper become an astronaut?
To drop some BARS in SPACE!
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
Your forehead is so big, Mr. Clean thought he would hire you!
Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".
What do dentists play at their practice?
Dental records.
What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?
A train driver's egg sandwich.
Why are the people that get your order at restaurants called waiters? They don't wait for the food; we wait for the food. They should be called "note takers." They take notes for food.
Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?
I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.
It’s a job I can see myself doing.
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.
I remarked, "You lazy!"
What do you call a school bus driver that cannot walk? A silly school bus driver!
I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a politician in the jungle yesterday?
I hear it hurt like hell.
Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.