Occupation jokes
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was outstanding in his field!
I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.
It’s a job I can see myself doing.
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
Why don't rappers ever become chefs?
Because they can't stop droppin' the beet!
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
Why did the rapper become a beekeeper?
Because he wanted to make some HONEY FLOWS.
Why did the rapper become an astronaut?
To drop some BARS in SPACE!
What do you call a rapper who can’t rap?
A wrapper with no FILLING.
Why do rappers make great fishermen?
They always have the best HOOKS.
What’s a rapper’s favorite tool?
A mic wrench.
I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.
I remarked, "You lazy!"
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
What do you call a school bus driver that cannot walk? A silly school bus driver!
I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a politician in the jungle yesterday?
I hear it hurt like hell.
Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry, mine too!
Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.