Occupation jokes
Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.
I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.
It’s a job I can see myself doing.
Why do rappers make great fishermen?
They always have the best HOOKS.
What’s a rapper’s favorite tool?
A mic wrench.
Why did the rapper become a beekeeper?
Because he wanted to make some HONEY FLOWS.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
Why don't rappers ever become chefs?
Because they can't stop droppin' the beet!
What do you call a rapper who can’t rap?
A wrapper with no FILLING.
Why did the rapper become an astronaut?
To drop some BARS in SPACE!
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was outstanding in his field!
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.
I remarked, "You lazy!"
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!
What do you call a school bus driver that cannot walk? A silly school bus driver!
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a politician in the jungle yesterday?
I hear it hurt like hell.