Field Jokes

Why can't orphans go on school field trips?

Parent Signature: _______

What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?

My boner.

A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...

What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.

When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."

What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?

-"I want my quarterback."

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?

Seizure salad.

Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?

Because they are full of ears!

Now that was a corny joke.

And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.

Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.

A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.

"Moo!" says the second.

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

A field of cotton waiting to be picked.

Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.

Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"

Papyrus ran headfirst into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bonehead.

Why do orphans hate school?

No field trips. Parent signature_____________.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”