Occupation jokes
What do you call a rapper who's also a scientist?
RHYME-STEIN.
Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the studio?
Because he was digging for those UNDERGROUND BEATS!
What's black, long and full of seamen?
A submarine.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
Why are the people that get your order at restaurants called waiters? They don't wait for the food; we wait for the food. They should be called "note takers." They take notes for food.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Your dad must be a mailman.
What do you call a nerd in space?
A space nerd.
You wanna hear a construction joke?
I'm still workin' on it!
People should stop making jokes about major tragedies. My dad died on 9/11...
He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚⁉️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮
Why did the rapper become a gardener?
Because he wanted to drop some ROOT RHYMES.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.