Workplace

Workplace jokes

Letter

    • What do you get from a co-worker with epilepsy for being accused of harassment? A "seize" and desist letter.

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    • Civil War

    • A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

    The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

    "What happened?" said the manager.

    "A civil war."

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    • Blowjob

    • How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?

    Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.

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    • Harassment

    • After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer.

    The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.

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    • Portal

    • Me walking in to the office:

    Principal: Tell me what you did?

    Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

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    • Workplace memes

    Dude

    • A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

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    • Library

    • I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.

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    • Hospital

    • Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

    There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

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    • Nickname

    • I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

    She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

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    • Misunderstanding

    • My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...

    ...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.

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    • Orphanage

    • I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

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    • Company

    • Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.

    Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.

    Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.

    Amber: Fine!!!!!

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    • Job

    • Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!

    Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!

    Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!

    Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!

    Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?

    Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?

    Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.

    Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!

    Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!

    Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!

    Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!

    Gwen: He does, you're not listening.

    Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!

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    • Bank

    • I got fired from my job at the bank today.

    An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

    Dog

    • So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

    About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

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    • Woman

    • Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?

    IHOP.

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