Occupation jokes
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.
I love working in an orphanage.
What knight is never wrong?
Sir Tain.
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
The average stripper weighs 112 lbs.
According to the pole 💈.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
What kind of shoes does a ninja wear? Sneakers.