Occupation jokes
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
got my liscence
I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.
I love working in an orphanage.
Why is the mermaid so dirty?
Because she is a maid, mer-maid!
What knight is never wrong?
Sir Tain.
I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
The average stripper weighs 112 lbs.
According to the pole 💈.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.