Occupation jokes
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
Memes
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.
I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.
I love working in an orphanage.
What knight is never wrong?
Sir Tain.
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
The average stripper weighs 112 lbs.
According to the pole 💈.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
What kind of shoes does a ninja wear? Sneakers.