Occupation jokes
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.
I love working in an orphanage.
What knight is never wrong?
Sir Tain.
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
The average stripper weighs 112 lbs.
According to the pole 💈.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
What kind of shoes does a ninja wear? Sneakers.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.