Age is just a number Police are just people Jail is just a room
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
What do you call an Indian gravedigger?
Digdeep.
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
¿Qué hizo el cartero enojado?
Estampó su feeeeeeet!!!
Your dad must be a mailman.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
I have a joke about construction.
I'm still working on it.
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
Who did a barber win a race?
He knew a short cut.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
