Occupation jokes
One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."
What did Hitler get for his birthday?
A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
Why are fire trucks big?
To hang out with the firefighters!
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
What is a gay man's favorite job?
A blowjob.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
Bob the builder.
Why don't rappers ever make good chefs?
Because they always drop the beet!
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
What did the bull say to the bullfighter?
What's the "matador?"
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to cook up some FIRE BARS!
There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.
Why did the rapper become a fisherman?
Because he wanted to reel in the BEST HOOKS.