Moses jokes
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
What cow can part water? Mooses.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
Yo mama so fat, she the reason why Moses split the Red Sea.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.
Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?
Moses hits the adoption lottery!
Your hairline has a huge path between it, looks like Moses had something to do with it.
Your hairline parts faster than Moses parting the Red Sea.
Mosely in a white van.
Kenneth's hairline [is] friends with Moses.
Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!
He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"