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So I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? You give them a Sandy Hook.

Hears the news about Sandy Hook Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives… Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:… Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.

How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “sandy hook”.

What do you call a 5 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.

What do you call a nine year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor

What do you call a five year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor

Whats the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?

A Sandy Hook

My mom said the happier a person is when sick the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital hooked up everyone’s breathing masks to laughing gas.

What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?

A sandy hook survivor

Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday

I was out ice fishing, and had no nibbles all morning. About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said “Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg.” I said “Excuse,me, I didn’t get that?” so he mumbles even louder, “Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!” I shook my head and said “I’m sorry, but I still didn’t understand what you said.” Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says “YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!”

2 mums hook up! Their daughter comes in the room and says which ones the baby daddy? the “mum” points to the woman who was actually a man!