Occupation jokes
What is a gay man's favorite job?
A blowjob.
"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father Les.