Occupation jokes

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.

What do a male pornstar and an emo have in common?

They are both hung.

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,

It's great being a sniper.

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

I used to be a banker...

But then I lost interest.

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!

What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?

The SPACE BAR!

A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.

What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.

This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.

What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?

Circumference.

"Wanna hear a construction joke?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Wait, I'm still working on it!"

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?

Father Les.

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...