Occupation jokes
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Dad: Don't know, why?
Son: Because they taste funny.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father Les.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!