Occupation jokes
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father Les.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...