Occupation jokes

Why is it hard having a relationship with an astronaut?

Because they are always so distant. :-]

How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?

Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,

It's great being a sniper.

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!

I used to be a banker...

But then I lost interest.

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!

A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.

What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?

The SPACE BAR!

What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?

Circumference.

What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.

This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.

"Wanna hear a construction joke?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Wait, I'm still working on it!"

What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.