"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father Les.
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...
I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
