Occupation jokes

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?

Adolf Fit-ler.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,

It's great being a sniper.

What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?

Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

I used to be a banker...

But then I lost interest.

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!

What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?

The SPACE BAR!

A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.

"Wanna hear a construction joke?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Wait, I'm still working on it!"

What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?

Circumference.

What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.

This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.

What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?

Father Les.

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?

They both can throw a hook.