The cannibal got angry, so he threw up his arms.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
How do people get skinny?
Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)
What does Aaron eat for breakfast? Food.
I make baby mush.
Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?
Diabetes.
Milk makes you tall, right?
Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?
Did you eat Chef Boyardee's food?
No, why?
Boy are deez nuts so big.
A fat man coming in the store.
Waiter: Oh god, not again :|
Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.
Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?
Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?
What’s the worst part of a vegetable?
A wheelchair.
Hi, I like food.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
What do you need an apple because you got an "izzy?"
If a tomato is a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
