Puns

Colebot

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

9

Orphan

Anonymous

Why can’t orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because their family size.

3

Sea

Anonymous

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

Box

oops

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

5

Suck

Anonymous

A teacher asks a boy in her class “If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?” The boy responds with “None.” The teacher asks why. “They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot.” The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher “3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?” The teacher says “The one sucking it.” The boy says “No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think.”

1

French

Anonymous

Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.

8

Time

Anonymous

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

5

Orphan

Anonymous

y do orphans eat cereal with water

there dad did not come back with the milk

8

Ball

Anonymous

the gayest person in the world is pacman. you can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

6

Cannibal

Anonymous

Jeffrey dahmer was eating at 5 guys before it was a restaurant

Orphan

Jamie White

Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

Depression

Train Boy

Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

Baby

He must never know

What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies. What’s worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive. What is worse still? It has to eat its way out. What’s worse than that? It went back for seconds.

5

Minutes

Whoozy Guy87

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl’s house. When he got there, he said to her father “thank you for this moment, have a great night”. At the dance, the girl asks the boy, “can I have some food?” He gladly replies “yes” and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, “thank you so much, I really needed something to eat”. Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, “thank you SOOOO much” Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, “what is it?” She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

Puns

Lord Voldemort

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day

Girlfriend

The Best Boi

My girlfriend is 19 and I’m 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary

7

Breakfast

Anonymous

What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.

FAR

person

A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.

The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.

After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, “Are you going to eat that?”

The second man replies, “No, you can have it if you want.”

So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he’s chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

The second man looks at him and says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got too.”

6

Cannibal

Anonymous

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?

Men toes.

0

Sister

Jesse

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas