Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

Why do vegetarians give good head? Beause they’re used to eating nuts.

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?

Men toes.

Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies. What’s worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive. What is worse still? It has to eat its way out. What’s worse than that? It went back for seconds.

What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair

What do you call an all you can eat buffet for a Pedophile? A school bus.

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.

The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.

After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, “Are you going to eat that?”

The second man replies, “No, you can have it if you want.”

So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he’s chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

The second man looks at him and says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got too.”

What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.

I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn’t know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately…”

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince.

What’s the difference between a bird and a human? “We don’t eat with our peckers

The reason why the “eating a tide pod” trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.

two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal…Does he taste funny to you?

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