Not jokes
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
It’s not cheating if you’re all siblings.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents :) so kawaii fr.
No one:
Nothing:
Not a single f***ing soul:
Spanish Empire: DING DONG YOUR RELIGION IS WRONG!
What was OceanGate's biggest regret?
Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.
Memes
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
Everyone, if I am not online, that is because I am on a vacation, so yeah.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Stranger: Not your parents.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...