Not jokes
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
Memes
Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
Everyone, if I am not online, that is because I am on a vacation, so yeah.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Stranger: Not your parents.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
How did the orphan go to school?
Not by his parents.
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.