Not jokes

You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.

What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?

"Why not you stand up for yourself?"

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.

Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol

Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!

Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD

I gave an orphan an iPhone XR because it does not have a home button.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream?

Because she got hit by a bus.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

What does "bitch" mean?

Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"

I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.

Why couldn't Stephen Hawking pass? Because he couldn't pass "I'm not a robot" test.

What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?

"I'm not a-moosed right now."

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?

Doctor: To the morgue.

Man: But I’m not dead yet.

Doctor: Are we there yet?

Yo mama so fat the scale said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."

Why do Black people not like country music?

Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

What was OceanGate's biggest regret?

Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.

Why didn’t the turkey cross the road?

To prove that he was not chicken.

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Europe.

Europe who?

No, I'm not.