Not jokes
Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.
*You're a real best Gwen*
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
What do an orphan and an apple not have in common?
The apple actually gets picked.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
Kid: Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who’s there?
Kid: Not your parents.
I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?
1. Listening to your teacher.
2. Not having your phone/game/TV.
3. Not having nicotine.
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
Why do orphans not build houses in Minecraft? Because they want it to be realistic.
I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.
Parents are like food—not all kids get them.
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD