What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
Not Jokes
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.
Why couldn't Stephen Hawking pass? Because he couldn't pass "I'm not a robot" test.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
Yo mama so fat the scale said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
What was OceanGate's biggest regret?
Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.
Why didn’t the turkey cross the road?
To prove that he was not chicken.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not.
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
Roses are red, violets are not, everyone at Grant High School is probably a thot.
Stephen Hawking's not dead, he is just in airplane mode.
Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
