What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? A pair of gloves! Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…

It was tense.

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”

Tomorrow is Christmas and I’m giving myself a present that I can’t wait to open. It’s my wrist. (yes this was inspired by a Fallout boy song)

what did the blind man say on Christmas? I can feel your presents!

My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

The past, present and future walk into a bar.

It gets really tense.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

The streets go blank in the dead of the day not a car to be seen A kingdom of corona-cation and it looks like moms the queen The wind is howling with this virus in the air Couldn’t keep it in china everyone knows it’s everywhere Don’t let friends in don’t be afraid Be the good girl you always have to be Conceal don’t feel your insanity That the virus caused!! Don’t let it go! Don’t let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don’t let it go! Don’t let it go! Turn away and slam your doors! I don’t care what the government says! Let me go to my friends house Sickness doesn’t get to me anyway. It’s funny how some distance makes everyone insane And the fears that once controlled me are here and present oh well! It’s time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through! No right no wrong but stay inside! WERE NOT FREEEE!! Don’t let it go! Don’t let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don’t let it go! Don’t let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I’ll stay!! Cause I have nothing better to do The virus flurries through the air into my house! The storm is spiraling fear and fractals all around!! And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!! What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past??? DONT LET IT GO DONT LET IT GO!! And you’ll rise at the break of noon! DONT LET IT GO DONT LET IT GO!! That’s morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT CAUSE THATS WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.

Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.

Who gave jesus his birthday presents every year?

Santa clause!

We should enjoy the present while it’s here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it’s a gift.

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.

Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present

Glad to present you wood clock https://olegon.ru/clock/

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can’t beat it! What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph! What is Santa’s favourite breakfast? SnowFLAKES! What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his christmas present ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it’s a pair of mittens. the ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

There was this man and he forgot about his wife’s birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale

Past, present, and future walked into a bar…things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).

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