Present jokes
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.
T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
Glad to present you a wood clock.
https://olegon.ru/clock/
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.
And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
Because he only comes once a year.
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
I didn't ask: ❌
I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.