The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…

It was tense.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? A pair of gloves! Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

what did the blind man say on Christmas? I can feel your presents!

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”

My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

The past, present and future walk into a bar.

It gets really tense.

Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

We should enjoy the present while it’s here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it’s a gift.

The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.

Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present

Glad to present you wood clock

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his christmas present ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it’s a pair of mittens. the ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can’t beat it! What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph! What is Santa’s favourite breakfast? SnowFLAKES! What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?


There was this man and he forgot about his wife’s birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale

Past, present, and future walked into a bar…things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).

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