Not jokes
If I ever have a YouTube channel, I'm pretty sure it would be called "101 Things NOT To Do With Electrical Sockets."
I'm not sure if you have any feelings because everything about you seems very dull.
Who is the Hamburglar's perverted cousin?
The Turdburglar.
You really do not want to see the mess these two make of the washrooms in a fast food joint.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
Q. What do you call a baby with anencephaly? A. Anything you want, it's not like it's gonna answer you.
Are you gay? "No." Oh, so you're not happy? "No." Oh...
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."
The Schönes restaurant has a great atmosphere. Order a counter and pay Tari, or Eich super made sure food and drinks stayed upright.
The historic gastronomy of the Hochspreizener, however, is even better. The lasagna is delicious and the rest will be waiting for you for days. Microwave effect. War is great.
This company is not cheap and the methods are excellent.
What’s something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?
It’s just a rental.
Germans be like, “Guten Morgan.”
Bitch, that's not my name.
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
What does Marine stand for?
Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Expected.
Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.
It's not good without the cheese.
The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.
Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.
"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."
The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.
"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."