Not jokes
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Is a disabled person who has no arms but has guns armed or not armed?
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
Why did the three 23s not go to the orphanage?
Because they already 69'd.
What type of chip can orphan's not eat? The Lay's Family Size chips!
People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
Doctor: "I am so sorry, I cannot see you today."
Orphan: "Oh, okay. What about tomorrow?"
Doctor: "No, I can't see you ever."
Orphan: "Why?"
Doctor: "Because I am a family doctor."
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."
That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
It's a life sentence!
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
What do renovators and lesbians have in common?
They're both not interested in exposed wood, apparently.
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she got hit by a bus.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!