Not jokes
A Swiss, a Japanese, and a Chinese... they are me, they are Weidi Weidi? Don't make it! The Chinese are not! The Swiss man throws his watch, drinks a focus detector in 5 liters. First to arrive, he drinks uga's seenzal KEEN FINEZ Mans GANKG DAY UNF.
Below, to be noted, question: "How do DESCEL DESCELL????" Quite simply: "We Swiss Habin Eben."
President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."
That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
It's a life sentence!
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
What do renovators and lesbians have in common?
They're both not interested in exposed wood, apparently.
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she got hit by a bus.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
A guy jumped out of the Twin Towers, saying, "I ordered pepperoni pizza, not a plane!"
I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
"You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?"
Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.
Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."
Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."