My jokes

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"

Me: Do you like cobble?

My friend: No.

Me: Gobble deez nuts!

"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."

Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.

Who wants to buy my new NFT?

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

If R. Kelly was a therapist:

14 year old: I hate my life.

R. Kelly: I feel you.

Like my daddy? Too bad you don't have one.

Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

Little boy: Momma?

Mom: Yes, my dear.

Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.

Mom: Why!?

Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.

What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?

"Stop staring at my nuts."

I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.

My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."