My jokes

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.

I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.

A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

"Fortnite battlepass, I just shit out my ass."

Fortnite, Fortnite, did I mention Fortnite, Fortnite, Fortnite?

Join my beta communication community committee commission Cumbria, please guys and girls and gurls. It's all inclusive b&b.

You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.

In my basement.

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

What do my balls and emos have in common?

...Nothing, they both hang themselves...

If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."

My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!

This is fucked up, my name is Shaylie.