My jokes
Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.
The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.
Daddy, where's my anus?
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.
Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?
They both will die alone.
Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
Are you the Twin Towers? Because you made my heart explode.
I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.
Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.
Me: The light wow brighter than my future.
People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.
Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."