My jokes

If R. Kelly was a therapist:

14 year old: I hate my life.

R. Kelly: I feel you.

Like my daddy? Too bad you don't have one.

Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

Little boy: Momma?

Mom: Yes, my dear.

Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.

Mom: Why!?

Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.

What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?

"Stop staring at my nuts."

I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.

My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."

Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.

In my basement.

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.

A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"