My jokes

Gwen

OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.

The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.

Magician

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

Nemo

What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"

Car

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

Sex

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

Memes

Sister

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

Cliff

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

Kid

"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021

Ass

When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."

Wheelchair

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

Promotion

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

FBI

My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?

Divorced.

Music

When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎