My jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead because of you.

Actually, not because of you... because of your face.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

I raped a girl and I liked it.

I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

I cried when my mom started to cut up onions... onions was a good dog.

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.

Have a guess who came crawling back?

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

Hey.

Girl: Hey.

Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.

Girl: What?

It says "spray on flat surfaces."

My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.