My jokes

What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"

Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.

He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.

Me: Knock knock.

My sister: Who's there?

Me: I eat mop.

My sister: I eat mop who?

My mind: I eat my poo.

My sister getting it.

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

Hey.

Girl: Hey.

Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.

Girl: What?

It says "spray on flat surfaces."

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.

So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad did not beat cancer.

I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.