My jokes
I asked my friend what happened to him?
His balance shifted.
2023- my dad is a cop.
1800- my dad owns your dad.
Yo, back off from my homey Freshfry; he's mine!
Some people decide to start a blog.
Others decide to start a blog.
You know what my sink started?
A clog.
Today was like every other day. It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary. I fear these feelings will never end. I’ll always feel so dark, feel so hopeless. Sometimes all I want is for it to end. For all of it to end, for all of my thoughts to end. I despise the way that always comes to mind. But I feel so lost, feel so hopeless. If something would just work. But nothing has worked. Nothing can fix this. These feelings will pass. These days won't feel so endless... or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope... and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they'll help... they'll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue... Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It'll make this better. It should make me feel better.
Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green! I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!
It was too irritating to listen to her and lend her my ear to talk to.
I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.
I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.
Dog toys are getting out of control.
My mum's dog has a round bison bone.
Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.
My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
The name is Ash, Johnathan Ash. My friends call me Jack.
My friends think I'm bipolar. I threw a pencil case at someone and I walked out, walked back in 2 seconds later and I was sunshines and rainbows.
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
The teacher asks me what my favourite word is.
I said it but got told off and sent to the principal.
What is my favourite word?
My friends' titties are bigger than my sakuras.
I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
El/11: Ego, My Lego.