My jokes

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.

"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."

You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"

Me: Do you like cobble?

My friend: No.

Me: Gobble deez nuts!

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

Me: The light wow brighter than my future.

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.

Are you the Twin Towers? Because you made my heart explode.

I accidentally sucked my own ball sack.

Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.

It worked really well in my local hospital.

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?

Answer: Putin, put out!

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?

They both will die alone.

Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.

Just told Putin to get some b*tches.

Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.