My jokes

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

Who wants to buy my new NFT?

I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?

My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!

I saw my sister sucking a big toe.

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

My bum hurts.

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.

You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

Son: Dad, I'm gay.

Dad: I support you.

Son: I like you.

Dad: Get out and into my room!

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.