My jokes

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.

My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

My mom calls me.

Me: WHAT MOM?

No answer.

Me: WHAT?

People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.

God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?

My mom told me that her doctor told her personally that she had to keep herself isolated because she has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great ass.

Yo, stop making 9/11 jokes. My grandpa was a pilot.

My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:

Starters - role play and stripping.

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.

Dessert - Blowy.

Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?

Me: The boomerang came back.

My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!

Me: I got 60 kills!

My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!

Me: What's Call of Duty?

I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug.