My jokes

Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.

In my basement.

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.

A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

Yesterday I was in a wind storm.

Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.

Ur mom.

Oops my bad! 😬

What do my balls and emos have in common?

...Nothing, they both hang themselves...

If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."

My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!

This is fucked up, my name is Shaylie.

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop.

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.