How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
Medicine Jokes
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?
I don't know. I forgot.
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Erectile dysfunction.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?
Dial-ISIS!
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
What do you call an epileptic kid?
Little Seizures.
Q) What is the ONLY zodiac sign ever to be surgically removed?
A) Cancer.