Medicine jokes
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
CANCER!
Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.
What is a neonatal's first time in the world?
Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?
A: Because they are humerus.
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?
Because it says "B Positive!"
Abortions = yeetis of the fetus.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!