Medicine jokes
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?
I don't know. I forgot.
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
Erectile dysfunction.
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!