Medicine jokes
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
What do you call an epileptic kid?
Little Seizures.
Q) What is the ONLY zodiac sign ever to be surgically removed?
A) Cancer.
What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.
Time heals all wounds.
Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?
A: Because they are humerus.
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!