Medicine jokes

Q) What is the ONLY zodiac sign ever to be surgically removed?

A) Cancer.

I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!

What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.

What do you call an epileptic kid?

Little Seizures.

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.

Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.

Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?

A: Because they are humerus.

If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?

Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?

A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"

Time heals all wounds.

Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?

Strong to the finish.

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.

I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics.

When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?

Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.

It's all fun and games until they start dancing.