Medicine jokes
Why do people consume "Laxatives"?
Answer: So that they can take a "Shit", STUPID!
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
Cancer, it's just funny, hahaha.
What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?
Cancer.
How much did the liver weigh?
It weighed a skeleTON.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
An orphan goes to a doctor.
Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."
Orphan: "But why?"
Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.