Medicine jokes
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
Why are cancer kids so fly?
Because they got the drip.
So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
"Hi, this is Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce."
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?
A: See you on the flip side.
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"