Medicine jokes
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
Q: What's green and yellow and eats balls?
A: Gonorrhea.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.
What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.
Mamma mia abortion clinic!
Your loss is our sauce.
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
If laughter is contagious, Kris's jokes are immunity.
"I'd love to give everyone another shot."
Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
Cancer.
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.