Medicine jokes
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
"I'd love to give everyone another shot."
Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.