Medicine

Medicine Jokes

Amputee

A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?

Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.

Circumcision

What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?

The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!

Difference

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.

Tic Tac

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

Drug

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.

It’s called Trycoxagain.

People

Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.

Patient

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

Pupil

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

Boob

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

Epileptic

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

Pharmacy

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.