Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
What is better, autism or Down syndrome?
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
John pretended to be a doctor.
Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."
John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"
Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."
John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"
Motu said, "I lost my memory."
John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"
