Author jokes

Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.

Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”

Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."

What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."

My initials are K.M.C.

Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".

Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.

I’m writing an autobiography.

BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."

How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

Running, JK rolling!

What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking, JK Rowling.

I once got in trouble in the library for putting the women's right book in the fantasy section.

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...

Then IT hit me.

What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!

Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.

Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and a book?

A book has papers.

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

I know, I'm going to hell!

I don't know what to write here, just like...

Helen Keller.