Author jokes
What's white but not black, and red all over?
J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.
Have you read "50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit and Probly Not?
Fuk Nip shat!
I wrote a book called "Endless Love."
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.
I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.
Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and a book?
A book has papers.
Helen Keller.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
What does Stephen King call his wife...
The black hole.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Running, JK rolling!
Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?
Because they don't like Dick's!
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...
Then IT hit me.
Heyyyyyyy, I'm bored!
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.