Medicine jokes
With great depression comes great antidepressants.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Memes
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
Why is it cold in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" š£ Whatās wrong with me?
Doctor: Youāve broken your finger.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........š
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
They never get old.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver š