Medicine jokes
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.
Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
Why is it cold in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
They never get old.
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.