Man jokes
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.
BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?
Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
A woman.
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
How come you never see a broke midget?
Because he’s living in the broke man’s boots.
What do you get when you cross a Chinese and an Indian man?
A car thief who can't drive.
Harry Potter is a movie about a grown adult man with an unhealthy obsession with a teenage boy.
The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.
That is just plain wrong.
Walter, I don't know, man, seems kinda sus.
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."