Man jokes
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.
That is just plain wrong.
Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
What's more sensitive than a pushy?
A Western man on the internet.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."
These are the reasons the West will fall. Also, men's rights are f***ing stupid if men keep voting for rich whites!
I went into the supermarket; everything was half off. Of course, I took the bottom half of Spider-Man.
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...
What do you call a shocked Chinese man?
"Hu le fuk!"