What do Shrek and onions have in common?
*LAYERS*
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
I was Gandalf the Grey.
But now, after just three washes...
"Hamlet deez nuts go into your mouth??" ššššš
So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" š š š š š š š truth ong fr š Face with thing is funny or... š š š š the
What hairstyle do horses like best while reading a story?
Pony-tails.
Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?
Wife: In a detective novel.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, With every beat of my heart, I'm devoted to you.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
What's a gun's favorite type of literature?
Magazine.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
Red, black, blue. The colors of life.
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.
Someone else: How was it?
Me: It's a long story.
Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
It was too much pressure.
My favorite novel is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!
How many shades of gray does it take to make a dirty movie?
50.
