Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Who is the king of Reddit?
Sam Ryan.
Your hairline goes all the way back to when Burger King was a Burger Prince.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.
Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!
Why is America so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won't separate the whites from the colors...
Why does the queen move more than a king on the chessboard?
Because it looks like a kitchen floor.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
