King Jokes

Divorce

Russell8833
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Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.

Sexist

Anonymous
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In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?

Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor

Sally

Anonymous
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Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher:No you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door

Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No!The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student:The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher:She drowned?!

Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Puns

Anonymous
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Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

1

Hairline

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your hairline goes all the way back to when burger king was a burger prince

Wood

Anonymous
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when is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler

Sally

Sally
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Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.

What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.

What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.

The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.

Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Dairy

Anonymous
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How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

8

Yo mama

Anonymous
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Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

Hairline

Anonymous
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Your hairline so messed up that even martin Luther king Jr. couldn't have a dream about it

Woman

Mohammed Loves The Twin Towers
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"in chess, a queen can move in more directions than the king"

I mean yea the chess board looks like kitchen floor so-

White

Anonymous
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If Martin Luther King was white, what would they call him?

Alive

1

Divorce

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Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.

Michael Jackson

Anonymous
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Q:What do burger King and michael Jackson have in common

A:they put meat on five year old buns

Reddit

Reddit.com
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Who is the king of Reddit? Sam Ryan

Wrap

Anonymous
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Q: how did burger king get diary queen pregnant A: he forgot to wrap his whopper

Puns

Magnus2341
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Knock Knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!