I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the coroner.

“Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”

The inspector then asks, “What about the third body?”

“Ah,” says the coroner, “This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.”

“Why is he smiling then?” asks the inspector.

“He thought he was having his picture taken.”

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? Smiles because there is a mile between the first letter and the last

10 Fun Facts

  1. You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
  2. You can’t count your hair.
  3. You can’t breath through your nose with your tongue out.
  4. You just tried number 3.
  5. When you did number 3, you realized it’s possible, only you look like a dog.
  6. You’re smiling right now because you were fooled.
  7. You skipped number 5.
  8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5.
  9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren’t much to look at, but you can’t help but crack a smile when you see then tumbling down the stairs.

I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter, he approaches her and says “Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion but I was curious to know if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?” The young lady smiles and says “That’s a lot of money, of course I would.” The doctor smiles and says “That’s interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?” The young lady says “What are you joking? That’s no money at all, Of course I wouldn’t, what do you think I am?” The Doctor smiles again and says “We already established what you are, now we’re trying to establish a price.”

A kid asks hims mom “mom how much do you love me” the mother responds with “i love you as much as i love your brother” the kid looks confused and says “but i don’t have a brother” the mother smiles and says "well i guess my love is not existing

Three men are travelling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, suddenly they stumble across a tent and inside is three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny too so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince and these three women were his wives so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is: The guy says, "I’m a fireman" The prince says, "Then we’ll burn your dick off!" The second guy says, "I’m an employee at the shooting range" The prince says, "Then we’ll shoot your dick off!" The third guy smiles and says, "I’m a lollipop salesman

Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?

when you frend ask why dont you smile then you look at them and then rels no one there becase you have no frinds #my life

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes)

  1. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick

  2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

  3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

  1. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

  2. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

  3. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

  4. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: “I’m sorry, you only have ten left.” The other man smiles nervously and asks, “T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him. “Nine.”

Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.

A 10y.o. : I don’t want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn’t think I’m happy 24/7. A 10y.o. week later: Damn… my life is shitty…

<2y. later> 12y.o. : What is de-pre-ssion? googles it

Now 14y.o. : Oh…

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.

A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven year olds. The pedophile has a pair of 7’s and three 4’s in the river. He smiles and says yay i i got me a full house.

Depressed people have beautiful smile. Ok, its not joke for normal people, but its joke for us

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