Literature jokes

I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

Doctor Seuss break up lines:

"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."

I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can FEEL it!

What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"

Sayori: *dies*

Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊"

MC: "😨"

Roses are red, violets are bl-- oh yeah, I'm bad at jokes.

Make him read a book.

I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.

Harry Potter is a movie about a grown adult man with an unhealthy obsession with a teenage boy.

What kind of book does cheese read at a church?

The Hole-y Bible.

A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”

Why do orphans read BL or GL?

Cause they get to see what it’s like with a mummy or daddy.

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?

The Two Towers.

FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS

Why Should I Walk? By Iona Carr.

What Lonely Girls Should Do By Seymour Fellowes.

Unusual Window Decorations By Rod Curtains.

The Long Walk Home By Misty Bus.

Race to the Outhouse By Willie Makit and Illustrated by Betty Wont.

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

I can't put it down.

What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?

Elementary, my dear Watson!