Literature Jokes

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.

"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

"What type of book is it?"

"An autobiography."

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.

Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.

Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."

I read a book on anti-gravity...

It was impossible to put down.

Why did Shakespeare only write using quills? Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.

I am reading a horror book in braille.

Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

What do emos and the Lorax have in common?

They both hang with trees.

People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

What do you call a horse rider with Down syndrome?

Down Quijote.

When I was a kid I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.