Language jokes
What comes next in the pattern: ottffs?
Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: A broken pencil.
Friend: A broken pencil who?
Me: Nevermind, it's pointless.
Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?
A: Domi doesn't know!
You just made a Mist-ake.
What do you call a creepy flower? A Pedel-File!
Memes
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
"Scoop pa tun manaa?"
Glip gloop glap.
"Can you tie a knot?"
"I cannot."
"So you can knot?"
"No, I cannot knot."
"Not knot?"
"Who's there?"
"F... off!"
Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?
Why can’t English people play chess? They ain't got no queen.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:
White person: Dad, you're home!
Black person: Dad?
White person: You can keep the change.
Black person: Empty the register.
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar!
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
Hi, I...
Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.
The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.
What do you call a Spanish footballer without legs?
Gracias.
A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.
Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."