Language jokes

Want to hear a pun?

Well, I'll punch you with one!

"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

Today, I invented a new word: "plagiarism."

What did the man say when he knocked down the bookshelf?

Looks like I've only got myself to blame...

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Hatch.

Hatch who?

Bless you!

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."

Hey John, how are you going?

Helium, yeah good, what about you?

(Hey Liam)

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed.

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

What does a perverted frog say?

"Rubbit."

There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

What did the panther say at the poker party?

I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.

Cock cock, who's there? Nobody.

I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

What do you call a blind German?

A not see.

My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.

Why can't your nose be twelve inches?

Because then it would be a foot.