Language jokes
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the rap battle?
For WORDPLAY!
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Innit.
What did the Chinese man say to his wife?
I'll chin you later.
Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?
Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?
Because the sign says "No Tres passing."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Smell mop.
Smell mop who?
What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma.
Ligma balls!
What language do billboards speak?
Sign language.
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they are all dead.
U geiy haha lol.
My name is Mike Oxmaul, and my friend's name is Hugh Janus!
For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Akeld." "Akeld who?" "Assfeild!"
There are 25 letters in the alphabet, and yet I don't know why.