Writing jokes

The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.

Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?

"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

"What type of book is it?"

"An autobiography."

A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Wanna hear a terrible joke?

Paper

Pretty tear-able, huh?

Why was Wacko Jacko willing to write a song for the film Free Willy?

He thought that the film's title was a nice phrase to yell out in primary school playgrounds.

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:

Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

Do trees shit?

Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?

I hate likebeggars. They are just writing some stupid "like if" shit just to get attention. I mean, that's so lazy, so unoriginal, and stupid.

Anyways, can this get 100 likes, please?

I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!

I am a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.

I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.