How many East Asians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tu.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.
Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.
The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.
A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.
Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute.
She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office. The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.
He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."
Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?
With the sentence "Die in Hölle," you can buy shoes in Germany.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language. Weird. Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
