Language jokes
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
What nut is broken? A silly nut!
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
Do you know Candice?
"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.
I entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
What do you call a bee from America?
A USB.
I wonder how many people read this wrong.
How do paedophiles greet people?
"How are you, kid?"
Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
Want to hear a joke about prostitution? Never mind, it's whoreable.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?
Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."
Tell someone to spell "Icup."
Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"