Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
Flower Jokes
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
What flowers are on your face?
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
The flower made a phone call and became cauliflower.
Roses are red, violets are violet. I mean, come on, it's literally in the name!
A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"
Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"
Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."
Brother:......
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"
What's Jack's favorite flower? A rose.