Language jokes
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.
Boy: Spell ME.
Girl: M-E.
Boy: You forgot the D.
Girl: There is no D in ME.
Boy: Not yet.
Q: What's a German's favorite Undertale character?
A: Gaster.
wo(man) fe(male) we(men)
dishwash(her)
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
Memes
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they are all dead.
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"
In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”
What is a gay person's favorite book?
The dictionary.
Why can't two Asians make a white baby?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."
The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."
Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.
1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
Spell Mississippi.
M-I-S-S-I-P-P~
Haha you said pp.
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".
Knock knock.
Who's there?
No one.
No one who?
...